Women Friendships - Part 9
Friends Acknowledge Friends
You are talking to a friend. She starts complaining that a certain situation was not fair. You were an onlooker in this situation and don't really agree with her -What do you do?
Often when your friend tells you a story or voices a complaint, it doesn't mean she wants agreement. She may want to be heard and understood. She is really asking for acknowledgment.
Try these three steps to acknowledgment:
1. Repeat Back
Acknowledge by repeating back to your friend what she said in similar words to show you have heard and understood her.
Examples:
"You were upset today because I was late."
"I understand that you are upset by what happened."
2. Don't Invalidate
It is not necessary to agree with your friend. You do not even need to feel what she said is correct. However, do not invalidate her. Examples of invalidation include:
"You're too sensitive."
"It didn't happen that way"
3. Don't Try to Change
Be satisfied just to acknowledge. Don't try to change her. Many conflicts in your personal relationships can be avoided if you will take the time to acknowledge other's feelings and points of view. In fact, understanding is what talking is all about and many cases.
2 comments:
That is important in lots of relationships, isn't it Emily?
I say that kind of thing to my kids as well, 'You are sad that you can't go with your friends and it feels unfair.' I don't even need to add, 'But we don't feel it's inappropriate' because that can sometimes counteract the acknowledgement.
You can still be .
'on someone's team' and see it from their point of view even whilst disagreeing or maintaining a boundary.
You are right Dorothy! I think that advice can be used in ALL relationships!
Post a Comment