Sunday, March 18, 2007

Women Friendships - Part 6

What Destroys a Friendship

There are so many things that can destroy a friendship. Lets look at just a few. Jealousy, this one is very hard on a friendship. It is a great dividing force. Satan loves this one, he loves to whisper in your ear, "Look at what she has, don't you want that, why should she have it. It should be yours, is she better then you?"Or another example, us girls are bad for having a really good friend then someone else walks in the picture and becomes good friends with OUR friend. And then they start spending more time with THAT friend!Well, what a weak spot that is for most of us. Jealousy in a friendship means there is distrust and insecurity in your friendship. You need to be on guard against that, it can ruin the best of friendships really fast!Let.s take a look at what the bible has to say about it.1Cor. 3:3 says: You are still worldly. Since there is still jealousy and quarreling among you, are you not worldly? Are you not acting like mere men?In Galatians 5: 19-21 lists jealousy among a list of things and it warns you those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.The Bible clearly tells you that jealousy is a sinful act from a sinful nature and it does destroy.

Friendships are destroyed when boundaries are violated. Boundaries are needed in every friendship. They are there to protect us and it is uncomfortable when they are crossed. In a healthy friendship you should be able to say no to the other person without them getting offended in anyway. If one person keeps crossing those boundaries it will seriously hurt a friendship. And it turns a friendship into something very one sided. If this is the case you will need to reset those boundaries and let your friend know how you feel and that you need to re-enforce them once again.

I think in this we can also include "friendship drain", when one party in the friendship is always needy or always depressed and wanting to lay their troubles down all the time. I am not saying don't go to your friends with your troubles, not at all, thats what we are here for. I am saying not all the time, with the same problem over and over, so that it drains the friendship.In Galatians 6:2 It says, "Carry each others burdens, and in this way you are fulfilling the law of Christ."I believe we are to go to each other with our burdens, yes very much so, but so we can receive prayer for them and support from our friends. I do not believe we should harp on our problems over and over to our friends though. It can be very draining and soon you will find those friends have gone, because it becomes a very one sided friendship.

When respect and trust are lost. I think trust and respect go hand in hand, you can not have one without the other. This is a big one, and very hard to get back. I think this is the hardest one to overcome too. For a friend to betray your trust is very painful. Trust for most of us is not given lightly or easily. So when it is broken it can destroy a friendship like a bomb. I know it takes me a long time to give back a trust that has been broken. It is something earned. And sometimes comes at a price.Face it, we are human and we will break a trust or two now and then, but I think most of us try not to. We love our friends and it is not our intent to hurt them. I think one of the worst ways of losing trust in someone is GOSSIP.In Proverbs 16:28 it says "A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends."Ohhhhhhh so very many are guilty of it and it has broken so many friendships. And with that coming in hand to hand is lies. You say "Oh it was just a little white lie, couldn't hurt anyone...."Surprise, even the little white ones are black as can be and hurt the same. Ahhhh rumors and lies, the fast track to destroying your friendship, very slow to get it back. And think about it, if you gossip and lie about your friend then I think the above 2 points were never there either. How can they be?

But the good news is that no matter what/how your friendship was destroyed, God can restore. He can take the broken hearted and make it whole again. Through God and forgiveness there is a way, it is simply amazing what God can do once you let Him. Although friendships are good and some are so very solid, no matter how good the friendship is, people will let you down, but God is a friend for all times. He will not let you down EVER.

2 comments:

Unknown said...

These posts on friendships have been very good - and right on target. I think the older I get, the more I have weeded out my "not really" friends - the ones who are only your friend when they're with you, then talk about you behind your back, only want to make themselves feel better, etc. Now I have a core group of girlfriends - wonderful Christian women on whom I can depend, confide, pray with and for, and just be myself. And they are truly a blessing and a gift from God.

Emily said...

I also just have a small handful of "true" friends in my life. These women are ones that I trust and ones that I know will not talk behind my back, gossip etc . . .also they are women that will listen when I need to talk, pray with me when I am down and just loves me for me. :-)