Women Friendship - Part 17

Being Friends

Background Scripture: Proverbs 17:17; 18:24; 27:5-6,9-10,17; Philippians 4:1-3,10,14-16

How can I be a Godly friend?

Quote of the Day - It is reported that Howard Hughes, when worth approximately 4 billion dollars, said, “I’d give it all for one good friend.”
The Hidden Value of a Man, Smalley, Trent, pp. 133ff

What are the characteristics of a friend?
There are all types of friends that we have through life. Some are transitory - friends for a season. Some are friends for life. Some are high maintenance, in that they take an awful lot out of us. Some are simply acquaintances. Some we'd do most anything for, and some to whom we'll just say hello to in passing.

Friends play an important role in any person's life. Not only do we have friends, but we are the friends of many others. So, it's not only what you look for in a friend but what kind of friend that you are. If you either have children or have had teenagers, you know the importance of the friends that your kids have. Some can encourage them in positive ways, while others can be very detrimental examples.

Much of our formative years, from kindergarten through high school and beyond, have been enriched with the presence of friends. At some point, you likely found yourself wanting to fit in with a certain group of friends, so it was crucial the type of people with whom you wanted to fit in. They could lead you down the path to negative things like alcoholism and drug use, pornography, and many other ills, or they could actually be an encouragement to do well in school, be involved in sports, become a good citizen or even to grow in our spiritual walk. I have seen many kids that have come to know Christ as the direct result of their Christian friends. Friends play an important role at all times in our lives.

Since friendship is such a crucial part of each of our lives, it is important that we become the type of friend that God has called us to be. He is our Creator and He has specified how relationships are to be. Make sure your idea of who you should be as a friend is the same as who God has called you to be. Strive to be the kind of friend that God has called you to be.

Always Be Dependable ( Proverbs 17:17; 18:24 )

When does a friend love? At all times. This is not just when things are peaceful, or when things are in turmoil. It's not just when the two are locked step in agreement, as friends are liable to have widely different perspectives on issues from time to time. A friend is someone you can count on. When you need them, you know they will be there. While there are many friends I've had over the course of my lifetime, there are only a select few that I will call upon in a crisis. With these friends, a call in the middle of the night in an emergency is not an imposition, and I would feel free to call them as well. Friends must prove themselves faithful, in that they must be willing to be a friend over and over.

When you have good friends, you have others with whom you can rejoice, and you have a shoulder to cry on in tragedy. Often, it is in the midst of tragedy that you find who your true friends are. Many friendships are birthed in the midst of difficult circumstances - the loss of a loved one, the loss of a job, an illness and so on. In friends, you can find counsel, and someone who is open to listening to you when you need to speak. True, you could go for a while without friends - and maybe find a cabin in the middle of nowhere. But, over time, loneliness and depression is bound to set in. You could become bitter and have a very sarcastic view of life.

Some people are displeased that they don't seem to have many friends. However, often these same people do not show themselves to be friendly. It's not that they're angry all the time, or hard to get along with, but perhaps they just don't take any steps out of their normal path. Without these steps, it is very difficult to make 'real' friends. In teaching Bible Study, I've seen it countless times over the years. People will become part of a group and become upset over time that nobody seemed to ever ask them over, or out to eat. Sure, they'd wave and smile at them in the hall, and talk on a high level before and after class, but it never got deep.

Often, one must show themselves to be a friend that steps out in order to have friendships. Are you showing yourself to be friendly? Are you more than an acquaintance? Are there at least two people that would write your name down as a 'friend'?

The last part of verse 24 says that there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother. I've seen this in my own family. Nothing at all against my brothers, but the fact that we are spread out by many miles has made our support of one another to be only in the 'big' things. When there is a severe problem or a tragedy in any of our lives, we are certainly there for one another, but the mere distance makes our support for one another on a more frequent basis difficult. However, I have friends nearby that have become my brothers and sisters on whom I can rely. This is where the church has truly stepped in. Certainly, I have friends in other places, but the church has become my family - some are grandparents, some parents, some brothers and sisters - and many, many friends. Lastly, certainly nobody can match the friendship of Jesus Christ. He is always there and He wants me to stay in touch.

Speak the Truth in Love ( Proverbs 27:5-6,9-10,17 )
Part of being a friend is being able to speak the truth in love. A friendship that is only based on telling someone what they want to hear is not much of a friendship at all. We need people that will help to lead us in the right ways of life, and let us know when we've failed. I'd rather hear about a mistake and heed correction early, before it becomes something that overtakes my life. You wouldn't want a doctor that tells you that you're fine, when he knows that you have cancer, would you? You don't want a friend that will not tell you the truth. Certainly there is some caution here - a friend is not one who delights in telling you that you've gained a lot of weight, or that you look ridiculous. But, a friend will tell you what you need to know when you need to know it.

Can you be wounded by a friend? I would say that you can, and I certainly believe that is part of being a friend. We aren't out to hurt our friends, but we need to be truthful, and sometimes the truth hurts. I'd rather be told the truth by my friends, and have it hurt, than to be deceived by my enemies. A friend will care about the next step, and will want to help you through it - an enemy may only care about here and now, and may say anything to make something happen, whether it benefits you or not. But, you can be assured, a friend cares about you - an enemy cares about them.

The heart rejoices in the counsel of a friend. Not all counsel will cause wounds. In fact, most will be of great use in life. When you need to make a decision, it is always good to have a friend to help you through the issues. A friend may not tell you what you need to do, as they may not know, but at least they can help you think through the issues. This brings up at least one note of importance - who is your friend, and what is their foundation. As Christians, we need to be about pleasing God - that really must be the overriding issue that applies to every decision. A friend that counsels away from God is really doing more harm than good.

Many of us have lifelong friends that may live in different states, or perhaps even different countries. It is great to have these people to call upon in times of need. However, in the midst of many trials, it is preferred to have a friend that you can rely upon NOW.

For example, if you have a fire in your house, isn't it good to have a friend that asks you to stay at their house until things get worked out? Or, if you have a sudden illness, a friend within reach is very much preferred. This is not meant to lessen the relationships we have with family, and for many people, it is their family that they would rely upon, as they still live in the same area. However, having friends that are within easy reach is a very positive thing for each of us.

Friends make you better. The phrase is iron sharpens iron. We learn from one another. This is true in many aspects. For example here is a story of a friendship. There were two friends who had been best friends all throughout high school . They were best of friends for many years, growing up, and still are today. They did all types of things together. One of them was to play tennis. To be honest, when tey first started, they weren't that good. But, they played constantly. Two things happened. Their tennis games got much better, and they both played on the high school team, and later played in college. But, more importantly than that, their friendship continued to grow. True friends will help you out and they will help you grow. Again, this shows the importance of Christian friends. In the interchange of two friends, the exchange of experiences, insights and wisdom has a powerful effect, impacting the perspectives and character of both.

Help Settle Disputes ( Philippians 4:1-3 )

In the letters that Paul wrote to churches, he served many roles. In some, he was a teacher and in others a cheerleader of sorts. At times, he said some tough things that needed to be said, which is truly a mark of a friend.
Why did he help to correct things? Was it because he was on some sort of power trip? No. It is clear in verse 1 of this passage - my brethren dearly beloved and longed for, my joy and crown. He loved these people. True friendship will help to solve problems, as in this case where Paul called out a couple of people by name. At times, I think I'd like to have my name in the Bible, but then it hits me - most likely it would be in a case like these women - being called out for something I had done. I can only imagine as Paul's letter was being read, how people must have listened with open ears, thriving on everything they heard.

Euodias and Syntyche (common names today, right?) were apparently two women who were at odds with one another. We're not clued in to the actual issue, but we do know there was a problem. Paul encouraged them to put these things behind them and be of the same mind in the Lord. There will be disputes that arise from time to time among believers, but we need to realize that many of these are issues that we need to get over and move along. Paul spoke to their common foundation - being of the same mind in the Lord. This is where we, as believers, need to be able to come together. We each have our own independent minds, and if that is the focus of everything we are, we will never resolve issues. When we focus on the Lord, everything else becomes less of an issue.

It is noteworthy that he didn't just call out these two women, but in the following verse, he encouraged the other believers to become involved. There are no Lone Rangers in a church. We need to be about encouraging one another. Have you been an encourager of others?

Meet Needs ( Philippians 4:10,14-16 )

Paul had much to be thankful about concerning the church at Philippi. They had helped Paul in many different ways, including financially and through prayers. There is a bond that is developed when you are able to help someone else. I have seen time and time again believers that developed a great love and friendship for missionaries that they had supported through finances, prayers and perhaps even participation. Apparently, for some reason, the church lacked the opportunity to help meet needs, but Paul rejoiced that they were able to begin again. It is noteworthy that the church tangibly met the needs.

Prayer is great - it has the most impact, truly, but we really need to be able to help others in tangible ways. For example, let's assume that you were moving. Would you rather that I tell you that I will be with you in spirit, or would you rather have me show up at your house at the agreed upon time? One is something nice to say, but in the other, you have tangible help.

Paul recognized the degree to which the church had supported him. Others had not supported Paul when he first began his ministry and through some of his problems. This church had helped him begin and that brought a deepening of a relationship between Paul and the church. When you truly align with supporting others, you may end up with some situations that are difficult. But, being a friend implies that you are willing to stick with it, through thick and thin.

In your friendships, be dependable. Be there when you are needed. A friend in need is a friend indeed. Let your friends know what they can count on you.

In your friendships, speak the truth in love. A 'yes' man may be appreciated by some people at work, but they are of little use to establishing a positive workforce. The same is true in friendships. If I tell you just what you want to hear, it really isn't going to either one of us in the long run. Be honest and truthful, but speak in love.

In your friendships, be involved in disputes. That is, help others to resolve their disputes. Sometimes, disputes will arise over essential matters.

Above all, we need to hold fast to these things. If it costs a friendship, we need to stick with God and perhaps let a friendship go the side. Most of the disputes, especially in the church, are not these types of disputes, but misunderstandings and differences of opinions on non essentials.

In your friendships, meet needs. This has an underlying implication - you know the needs. Ask yourself the question - do you know the needs of your friends? Or, do your friends know your needs? If you hide behind any type of façade, you're not being a friend. Be real in your friendships.

Thank God for your friends. Thank Him for bringing people in your life. And, thank your friends. A phone call, a letter, an email, or a visit - these things will help to deepen your friendships. Friendships are truly a gift from God. Thank God for friends.