Women Friendship - Part 15

Friends Are Equal


In a healthy relationship, friends are equals. Not 50/50 every time, but 50/50 over the long haul.

Dr. Joyce Brothers opined that a healthy friendship is like a seesaw. One person isn't always dominant and the other person isn't always submissive. In any relationship, whether it's friendship, parent/child, or marriage, at some time one is more dominant than the other, but it evens out in the end.

"Don't walk in front of me, I might not follow. Don't walk behind me, I might not lead. Walk beside me and be my friend."
Author Unknown

Jim Simmons, M.A., says, "All relationships, including friendship, involve a balance of power. When one friend grows, it upsets the balance. The other friend is forced toward growth.
"If that other friend refuses to grow, one of two things will happen. The friendship will end, or it will become stagnant (dead)."

Anytime there is a perceived inequality or imbalance, the door is open for jealousy. Yet jealousy has no place in a friendship.

Anytime you have jealous feelings in a friendship, ask yourself three questions:
1. Do I need to feel jealous about this?
2. Don't I have a choice here?
3. What does she/he have that is more important than our friendship?

You have actually chosen to be who and what you are. Therefore, there is no reason to be jealous of anyone. Once you have answered these three questions, you will probably realize nothing is more important than your friendship.

Friends Reveal Their Feelings


How many of us ever feel close to the person who must always be strong? It is hard to do. That is because she never reveals her feelings in conversation.

Conversation can be divided into three categories:
Facts
Opinions
Emotions

Take this example:
Facts: "Sally and I had dinner together last night."
Opinions: "Sally and I talked last night over dinner. I really don't think she will marry John after all."
Emotions: "I felt really depressed after I had dinner with Sally last night. I feel pretty certain that she will not marry my brother John now. I know this will break his heart and I hate that. Besides, I'm also sad that Sally will not be in our family. I like her."

Of course, any conversation contains a certain amount of all three categories but friends move talk from facts to emotions. In fact, you can tell how close your friendship is growing by how often you talk about feelings rather than facts or opinions.

We feel closest to other people when we are suffering together, when we feel like the other person needs us, or when we feel someone has shared something of great importance to her with us.